One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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