Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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