I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
