My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
