just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
