I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
