3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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