I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
