well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
