I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
