OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
