I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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