Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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