apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
