we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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