dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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