shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
