So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
