you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
