Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
