I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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