Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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