I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
