You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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