she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
