woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
