I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
