By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
