She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
