Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
