I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When did angry sex become our thing?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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