Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
