So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
