It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I will pee on everything he values.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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