yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
