Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I know her cup size but not her name....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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