Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
