Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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