i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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