I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
