I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
