I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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