You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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