do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
