Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
