Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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