i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
