You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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