i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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