I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
