why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
