just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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