maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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