also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
