i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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