I am midnight drunk by noon
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
